Dictionary.com gives multiple definitions of the word “mass”. It can be a noun, an adjective or a verb. It generally means ‘a collection of things into a group’. Those things could be coherent matter, incoherent particles or objects. The key is they are somehow pulled together whether it is a land mass or a mass of dough or a mass of people. This four-letter word has distinct definitions as it relates to the Fine Arts and other disciplines. If the “M” is capitalized, it can reference the celebration of the Eucharist. Put a period (“.”) at the end and it is an abbreviation for Massachusetts.
Like Jesus’ parables, there are many meanings to this word. Last week it meant something very serious for me. When I saw the test results online one week ago, a bunch of thoughts ran through my mind. One was here we go again, I’m going to have to go back and pay a heap of money for the follow up testing all to say I’m fine. The last time it set me back almost $1,000 just to say I’m okay. Then I thought, I have to pay an additional fee because I chose the newer screen and STILL have to go back for the follow-up? Seriously? I should have saved my money and gone with the traditional screening… The next thought that came to mind was what if this time there IS something wrong? Fear, panic, and anxiety set in. I began to run crazy scenarios through my mind. Should I tell my mom? Should I just wait and see what happens before I say anything? The “What ifs” started. It was awful. But God….
I then shifted to but God said He won’t give me more than I can bear. But God said He’s with me always, even to the end of the world. But God said to let go of my fears and let Him carry me through the difficult times. But God said I will never leave you nor forsake you. But God said, we’ve been through this before and we will go through it now…together.
I made a decision. I decided to go along with my life and not worry. I decided to see what happens and get the information and trust that God has me covered. At the 30th Anniversary celebration of my Sorority Chapter’s founding, I saw a sorority sister who is a cancer survivor. I started to say something to her, but then I decided – no one said the mass was cancer so why bring it up? Just enjoy yourself. Enjoy this celebratory event with your sisters. And that’s exactly what I did.
Monday finally arrived and I received the call from my doctor’s office, then from radiology. We scheduled the appointment for Thursday. I pushed it aside and kept living my life.
We went through the drills and I returned to the waiting room. When the next technician called me, I knew the second set of images confirmed the mass. As I walked to the door to meet the technician, I said: “do I HAVE to do the ultrasound?”. The technician smiled and come on, this is a lot easier than what you just went through. She didn’t skip a beat and I was on the table before I knew it. I closed my eyes and she was typing with her left hand… a lot. Finally, I had the courage to open my eyes and on the screen, she was marking off a black area. I was looking at the ultrasound image of my mass…. I shut my eyes and prayed for calm and peace.
The technician walked me through the possible scenarios and left me in the room while she talked with the radiologist. When she returned instead of the radiologist, I felt it was good news. She said, “it’s a cyst.” Praise God! Cysts form and they usually resolve themselves. There was no additional action required. I was so happy. I thought, God, you told me to chill out and give my cares to you. I am so grateful.
Here’s the lesson. Take one day at a time with God leading the way. Don’t jump ahead. Trying to anticipate everything all the time and developing multiple strategies for all the possible outcomes often stops you from living today. I could have spent the entire weekend focused on what MIGHT happen and missed the opportunity to celebrate with my sisters. I could have made everyone I came in contact with feeling anxious about something that MIGHT be.
So whatever your “mass” is, know that when you have that “But God” attitude, you can get through it. You have the source of infinite possibilities within you. You simply have to decide to allow that source of love, power, strength and hope to emerge and take the lead.
What does “mass” mean to me? It means opportunity. It means the opportunity to connect with my Creator in a very significant way. Now it’s your turn. What does “mass” mean to you?
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